John Carter

Bill I’s Review – 3.5 out of 5

I had minimal expectations of this movie; it was a compromise decision because my wife didn’t want to see anything “serious” last night, and I had been hearing Howard Stern anticipating John Carter, so I figured it might be amusing. Wow, I really enjoyed it! This is what Cowboys and Aliens could have been, or the last Star Wars, or Thor…just a thrill ride, good story, fun action, and fresh looking fight scenes (look for the “throw ’em in with the lions in the roman arena” scene). Even inter-species romance. Don’t take it seriously, especially when the hero starts bouncing up and down and doing stunts that realisitically only Tom Cruise should be able to do. The 3D version is what I saw, and it kept moving, never getting bogged down (although I did use the Run Pee app on my Android phone during one of the only couple of  minute segments it said I wouldn’t miss much). Sure, there are anomalies, like why would Martians who can create flying machines, and inter-planetary transporters use pistols and swords to fight with. In fact, I couldn’t tell if they had invented electricity yet, since they were using actual torches to see in the dark. And if you were John Carter, the human hunk who finds a hot Martian chick enticing, wouldn’t you wonder if her reproductive mechanics worked in a way that was compatable to your pieces? I did. But if you check out this femme fatale Martian, played by Lynn Collins, pictured below, you can see how his logic might be blinded in favor of lust. Finally, in this election year, check out the intransience of the Martian citizens (the green variety), when they cheer wildly for one leader, then just as quickly switch allegiances to another. Too reminiscent of Hitler youth for me, or Tim Tebow fans in today’s world. One more thought: one of my favorite authors is co-writer for this screenplay, Michael Chabon. He’s an incredibly talented, inventive author, who has shown he can create alternative worlds, check out The Yiddish Policemen’s Union and Gentlemen of the Road. Enjoy!


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